Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Secrets to Holiday Serenity

The Secrets to Holiday Serenity
By Carly Hallam
YourHealth Monthly

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. There’ll be parties for hosting. Humidity that’s toasting. And your in-laws won’t leave you alone. There’ll be scary ghost stories. And pictures that will bore you of Aunt Linda from a long time ago. Oh wait, that’s not how it goes. But it’s a bit more like the truth.

Of course the holidays can be wonderful. And the humidity has let up a bit. But you’ve got to take time for away from the crowds to relax. Here are three things you should do to stay sane. Otherwise, you’ll end up taking things out on Aunt Linda. And despite her nagging, she really doesn’t deserve it.


Life Coach David Essel of Ft. Myers suggests making your sanity a priority this season. “People forget to take care of themselves,” he says. “You have to schedule serenity, it never comes by itself.” Schedule your serenity by taking yoga and meditating.

Picnic on the beach.

Sue Fowler of Elegant Affairs Event Planning in Ft. Myers says just being outside is a great way to relax. “Get away from the house,” she suggests, “and have an old-fashion picnic on the beach.”

Have a spa day.

A 1-hour massage, which can cost as little as $40 at local massage schools, will alleviate stress and allow you to forget the holiday frenzy for an afternoon. Fowler points out that being pampered is a boost to mood and confidence. “It’s nice to unwind then leave feeling good about yourself.”

Dauphie Piper: A Beautiful Soul

Adventurer. Spiritual. Caring. Athletic. Healing. Sensitive. Explorer. Dependable. Trustworthy. Friend. Son. Brother. Client.

The words above came to me in a split second when I stopped to write about Dauphie. I met Dauphie Piper through his sister, Michel, a number of years ago. Our first meeting was over the phone as he had decided he wanted to work with me as his life coach. From the very first conversation I knew he and I would work together perfectly. He was the type of client I truly admire— his zest for life and his ability to look deeply and honestly at his strengths as well as his challenges.

Dauphie attacked life. He loved life. He was a searcher, a person who knew that his quest here had to have great meaning. When we first spoke, he was an intern as an emergency room physician. In this capacity, he was frustrated that he often only saw his patients one time. His desire was to do follow up with all of his patients, as he truly cared about their well being, but in the emergency room setting this rarely happened, and I know that bothered his sensitive nature.

In my work with all clients there are writing exercises due within 24 hours after our session. The point of this work is to help every person I work with to go deeper into their own personal world to find the answers to the questions that are present during our work. Dauphie's work often came written an hour after our talks. His dedication to his path was evident in how seriously he wanted to be in the physical world, but also knew that his life had a great spiritual meaning as well.

One of our most trans formative times came after I had asked him to read a very deep and powerful book called The Power of Now. We had continuous and extremely intense discussions on how he could apply the difficult principle of “living in the moment, every moment of every day.” This psychological “immersion” process meant that one would be totally conscious of all that was going on inside, feelings on a moment to moment basis, as well as what was happening in surroundings in the “outside world.” Dauphie took this exercise very seriously and it led to some amazing opportunities, self discovery, the type of discovery that he immediately started sharing with those around him. He began to seriously question the loads of “red tape” in the world of medicine that he believed prevented physicians from offering the utmost in patient care.

On a personal level, this “living in the moment” became a powerful part of his daily runs while living in Chicago. He first started to notice the amount of homeless people he would pass on a regular basis. This led him to test his own ego — he began purposely making eye contact with them. His final exercise was to look into their eyes as he ran by them daily and to consciously “send them love”. He told me the most incredible experience would occur when in unison they would look back at him and smile. These experiences became commonplace for Dauphie.
I was thrilled to have him in my life, not only as a client but also as a friend. When we met in person at a Barnes & Noble bookstore in Sarasota, it truly was like we had known each other for years.His ready and infectious smile put people at ease. His desire to explore the seas on his father's boat, travel to Asia to discover Buddhist Temples, or trek to mountaintops in Bolivia, were all a part of his amazingly adventurous spirit.

The saddest phone call I have ever received came three weeks ago from Dauphie. With tears he told me of his recent medical diagnosis and that he may not be in this world much longer. He reached out to me with his incredible ability to share his deep emotion, telling me what I had meant to him, that he loved me for who I am and all that I am. Tears streamed down my face as I drove, not believing what I was hearing. I told him how much I loved him too, and how much I wanted to see him one more time. That one more time never came. Yet, as I write this, he is right here with me, overlooking my writing and making sure I don't leave anything important out (smile).

In memory of this amazing man, I now intend to live more like him. I intend, in Dauphie's honor, to be more adventurous, to explore more of what all of life has to offer. He touched me in a way that as I write this I have to say was unexpected. While he came into my life to learn about the process I use to help others, he left teaching me as well. And Dauphie, in your honor, I will carry forward in life with a new zest for living with a new sense of adventure. How can I ever thank you enough for that.
Love, your friend,

Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Dealing with Stress: There's Only One Way

When we are faced with great, or even minor stress, the only way I know that we can begin to overcome it is to feel and bless it at the same time. Let me explain.

There once was a man who had everything in life that anyone could ever desire. Great wealth, a wonderful family and a strong religious path. One day, almost like a great depression, or a stock market crash, all of his wealth was gone. Bam! Gone.

When he went home, he went to prayer thanking God for all that he did still have.

The very next day, his children were killed in a freak accident. Through his tears, he still thanked God for all that he had remaining, as you can imagine a very difficult thing to do.

His friends came to ask him the reason for his extremely bad luck, assuming he had been the cause somehow of all of his troubles. But, in fact, he had not personally done anything that would have created the havoc he was going through.

A short time later, he came down with a serious illness, life threatening, but still managed to find the strength to give thanks in his prayers.

His wife and friends asked him to just give up, to let go of holding onto life, and his gratitude so strongly, so that he could end his personal suffering. But he refused, and instead everyday just went deeper into gratitude for what he still did have.

Yes, he also questioned God, wondering how all of this tragedy could have entered his life. And right after that, went to praise.

A while later, his life began to turn around. His health returned, his wealth returned even greater than before, and he had more children with his wife. An amazing experience!

The one grounding force during all of his trials was his daily gratitude for what he did have in life. A powerful testament to the power of thankful prayers.

Slow down, as you deal with stress today, feel the discomfort and then go to praise, to prayers of gratitude for all that you do have in life.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

(the above story, is the story of Job, from the Old Testament)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Is life Slipping Away?

Are you fully immersed in life, or is it slowly slipping away from you?

Have you opened yourself up to the absolute beauty, the divinity that you are, or are you still in a place of self judgement?

Have you ripped open your heart, so wide as to love someone like you never have before? Fully vulnerable, fully transparent? Or in some way are you playing it safe? Not sharing your vulnerabilities, feelings, fears?

Have you pushed yourself to love someone back, accepting their quirks or small irritating habits, allowing them to be who they are?

Have you shared with them recently, that you love all of them?

Is it time to go after a new career, a new life, yet you feel filled with fear about the timing to do so?

Is it time to move, to experience life at a new level?

Is it time to devote yourself to God, but are fearful of how that might affect how others view you?

Is it time to let go of habits and addictions that have imprisoned you, yet you're afraid of what life might be like without these crutches? Like food, spending, alcohol, cigarettes ?

Slow down, and begin to experience the life you were meant to live. Do it now. with passion. With gusto. Right at this very second.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Monday, November 9, 2009

Lacking The Female Orgasm: Taking Responsibilty

On my last blogtalkradio show, www.blogtalkradio.com/davidessel , I discussed an email that I received from a woman blaming her partner for her lack of reaching an orgasm during their intimate moments. Because this issue has been brought to my attention many times over the years in my work as a Relationship Coach, I wanted to create a space here to help those in a similar situation.

The cause of disappointment in women who do not reach orgasm in their intimate relations lies in one of three causes:

1. ) they do not know their body and it's sensual/sexual needs, or

2.) they have not shared with their partner exactly how they desire/need to be pleased, or

3.) they have in detail on multiple occasions shown their partner how to explicitly please them, but their partner is insensitive to these needs.

If you fall into category 3, which is an extremely rare event in the cases I have worked with but one that many woman feel they are a part of, get into counseling yesterday.

If you fall into category 2, which has a huge fan base it seems as it by far is where almost every woman I have worked with over the years resides, who fail to reach orgasm with their partner, here's great news. This is easily remedied if you want it to be. Unfortunately, many woman say they want to have this part of their relationship fixed, but they do not want to do the work I am about to propose.

The reason for this is that they have a subconscious desire to stay unfulfilled. They are able to wrestle some power from their male partner by being able to say to their close friends that he just can;t please her. Sad, but true.

It also allows her to stay away from the deep , vulnerable intimacy that occurs when a couple is trying to heal sexual issues. If she really wanted to explore her needs, both emotional and physical with a partner, she would have to become fully open, honest and transparent in bed. She would have to direct him, with words and action. If she carries any shame or guilt around sex, she might find this too scary to do. In this case, it's time to get help.

"He should know how to please a woman", is the excuse many make so that they don't have to go deep in intimacy.

If you fall into category 2, please follow this exercise. Write a story to your partner describing how you would love to have your needs , both emotional and physical, met. When it gets to your sexual needs, be highly detailed and explicit. Break all of your previously held notions about what a woman should or should not say about her sexual needs, and just go for it. This should be fun for you to do, and if it is written with love, as in a fantasy/reality world, he should love reading it too. Everyone wins.

Hey women!!! Men cannot read minds!!! Help us out!!

If you fall into category one, begin to explore your body today, by yourself. Get lotions, vibrators and toys to see what different pressure and speeds feel like. When you know what it takes to bring you to an orgasm by yourself, re read the above exercise.

Slow down and explore the wonders of reaching your sexual orgasm with your partner. Drop the blame, and go towards deep love and intimacy today.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Creating the life you want: Part 2

Here are a few comments about creating the life you truly want.

"Surrendering to the will of God and the Will of the universe is the only way, aligning your will with these two will bring peace of mind and heart. Also knowing that sometimes there is redirection afoot as well which is trying to guide you to be doing something else, that is maybe critical to the long term goal is also important. The most important thing is never make it about you, in doing so the only thing we will create is blockages."

"I find great solace in going directly to God, in my awe of all that He has given me in life. Like your friend, I too have struggled, well I think the regular world would say that, in manifesting alot of money as I use my gifts to assist others. My peace comes from reading about people in the Bible who were given great gifts, yet had a hard time making it in the material world. Yet, they left others feeling better about themselves. Maybe some of us were'nt meant to have it all, maybe we should just live in gratitude for what we do have, regardless of how big, or little. Sounds good to me!"

"My path is filled with great gifts and great financial abundance, for at least the past 10 years. As I look at my life today, my gifts are here, but the finances are gone. Tell your friend to focus on the gifts, then he can help others no matter what his finances are today or in the future. "

My friend responds to the above responses.

"I have followed David's career for the past 10 years, and have been amazed at his attitude towards life regardless of what he has gone through. I came to him in my current situation because I needed to talk to someone i trust.....I did not need a rah rah session. When he asked if he could blog about this, i said sure, and now i know why. I needed everyone's feedback here, to help me see the prioritiy in life:, God, and His plan. I'll let go now, and follow His will. Trusting that the lessons learned, with or without the money i want will help me to help others. And in the world of resl estate, there are alot of people to help. " Jim

Slow down and trust in life, in God.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

How do we create the life that we want?

In all of the work that I do, and have done, the question "how do we create the life that we want?" seems to be the theme of my clients lives. In my Life Coach Certification classes, we explore the human need to accomplish goals and create a path in order to do just that.

However, even with the most up to date plans and intentions, there are often periods in our lives where life just does not seem to be going our way. We can visualize success , we can join mastermind groups, we can attend seminars and read more and more books, yet we don't see any tangible evidence for our work.

A very good friend of mine with amazing business talents was sitting in front of me recently lamenting this very situation. "How, with all of the gifts God has given me, could I be in a business that I am so passionate about, that is not growing? After all of the planning, praying and work, could I be struggling so deeply? How can I create the life I desire, when everything is at a standstill?"

His questions reminded me of the lives of Abraham Lincoln and others who struggled greatly on their personal path to success and contentment in life.

As I looked at his plans, and discussed the work he has done leading up to this very point in his life, I saw the answer quite clearly.

There was no human, no worldly answer for his situation. Yes , great people can hang out on the vine to dry with seeming no rhyme or reason for it. And yes , there is a reason for it, although the reason will not make sense to our material world.

Many people have spoken a great truth when they said, "I guess it's on God's timeline , not mine." If you believe in God as I do, and as my friend does, this somehow is supposed to make us feel a little better. We still have to continue to move forward in faith, knowing that there must be great lessons for us to learn in the process of slowing down, of knowing that there is a greater plan for us than we could possible know at this very moment.

Faith, resolve and trust can be greatly enhanced when we use them to their full extent when we are frustrated by the lack of success in life.

Depending where we are on our spiritual path, is how we react to life when we are not getting it the way we think it should happen. If we are deeply into the path of love, trust and faith, we'll go to doubt but for a short period of time. We might become frustrated for a day or even a week, then we'll surrender to "what is." We'll release the python grip that we've created on life with our expectations, and start to flow with, rather than fight, the life we are living.

We might surrender and spend a day in prayer, asking for the power to accept the things we cannot change. We might get out of our heads, and fill our minds with gratitude for all that is going well, as we become what we focus on all day.

By following these two simple yet powerful steps, we create the life that we want instantly, as we have just created a moment, hour or day of inner peace. Wow, what a beautiful experience.

Acceptance is not a cowards way out of life, but rather the path of the spiritual master.

Slow down today and find the life that you want to create sitting right in front of you. Look for love, peace and you will find your world there. Look for doubt and worry, and you'll find your world there as well.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Religion: Unification or Separation?

To those bound by religion, religion separates. One person will create the idea that their way is the only way to God, and try to push others into their own belief systems. "If you don't believe what I believe, you're going to hell." I received an email the other day from a very good friend telling me this, and it was a sad experience for me, not because it was true, but because now there is a separation in her mind between us.

I still love her, in my heart, not just in these words that you are reading. Most times when someone sends an email like this, they'll end it with "I love you". But can they really love you if they're telling you that you are now dammed for life? HMMMMMM..................

Religion, as I have said for years, is one of the greatest causes of lack, hate, distrust and judgement that this earth has ever known. As evidenced by the above reference. And, for those who are on a religious path that includes acceptance and true love, religion is the experience of heaven on earth.

I love all that I have learned in all the religions I have been exposed too, and find my relationship with God growing every day. Let's use the beauty of religion to unify, not separate.

Slow down, and find the bliss of love for yourself and others on your path today. Then, act in that loving way to everyone free of judgement.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com

Monday, November 2, 2009

The Path of One Minister Who Honors All Faiths

After a church sermon one Sunday, a new member of our congregation asked me how I became an All Faiths Minister. When it happened again last Sunday, I knew it was time to share this story hopefully as a way to break down the separatism between religions, and open a doorway for God, Love, to shine on us all.

I believe in the future , the trend will only get larger where more ministers will want to be able to attend to people who come from a variety of faiths in life. A goal of mine is to somehow use the gifts of ministry to positively affect the lives of those in our congregation and any other congregations I am blessed to address as well as hospitals, or those in recovery and treatment centers, who come from a different faith than myself, or even no faith at all.

As an All Faith Minister, I want to use the gift of love to assist everyone on their path to personal growth, and if they choose, their walk with God. By having even a minimal understanding of different faiths, ministers such as myself can be of the greatest service to everyone, and even help those who are trying to find the walk with God they feel most comfortable with.

My personal walk with God began in the Catholic Church where I served as an altar boy for many years. My aunt Rita, sister Regina, is a nun with over 70 years of dedicated service, so my beginnings were definitely influenced by my Catholic upbringing. Like many people, I left the church when I was old enough to make my own decisions, and quite frankly never believed I'd go back to these beginnings. The church at that time seemed too steeped in traditions from the past, and my short attention span needed something more interesting to keep me on path.

Years passed and then I was introduced to Buddhism, and the unbelievable beauty of meditation. My yearning was quenched for several years as I delved into the Four Noble Truths and other powerful Buddhist teachings. I learned more deeply about the beauty of God within, and fell in love with this way of life, this amazing religion.

Then I was introduced to Hinduism, and my enthusiasm for religion reached an all time high. I began to follow the path of Bhakti, a path to God that is filled with daily devotion and prayer to God! Singing God's praise at every turn of the day, my energy for God increased dramatically. . Reading Hindu quotes, scriptures and writings whenever a moment opened in my daily schedule became my love for life.

As I delved into these religions, I became more in love with life.........which brought me back to my Catholic upbringing. I went to a mass a number of years ago, and fell in love all over again with what I enjoyed as an altar boy: the rituals of the Catholic Mass. To this day I still love them.

When I was asked to lead my first church service in a non denominational church several years ago, I was ecstatic to realize that I could use all of these teachings to assist the congregation to experience the Divine within, the God that resides in each of us. As it is so beautifully stated in the bible,"Made in His image"(Genesis 1:26).

My path then took the most amazing turn of all, one I relish to this day. I was asked to lead a congregation as a temporary minister, and the fire was lit. That led me to becoming the co-founder of The Church of Spiritual Light, an All Faith congregation in Fort Myers, Florida. As my path continues, I find myself once again, becoming immersed in the power of ritual, the words of Christ, the power of enthusiastic prayer which once again has filled me with the fire of love, the path of God, as we ascend to higher levels of awakening. Awakening to the realization that we all have free will, to find God within, and to spread that energy, that love, to all around us through our daily actions. I feel even more in love with God now than ever before.

I love to read writings from all types of spiritual masters: monks, rabbis, nuns, priests and more, and am about to begin a class on Kabbalah, the mystical arm of Judaism. I daily read scripture from the bible and look for the love that resides in everyone, the God within each of us.

Slow down and find love, God, in all you do as we respect the faiths that surround us.

Love, peace, Rev. David www.davidessel.com